On, Reinette! What a beautiful, heart-wrenching story. You are truly remarkable. I lost it when you got to the part where you found your brother and how they had been waiting for you all of those years. I am so happy for you that you were finally able to fill in the missing pieces around your mother.
Adoption is never easy. I am the adoptive mother of two adult children, both adopted as babies. When we adopted our second child, they (Catholic Social Services) had just begun open adoptions. We were in a group with eight other couples and my then husband and I were the only ones who agreed to meet the birth parents. I think a lot of adoptive parents want to believe that they're the only parents. In the end, my daughter's birth parents chickened out. But, I wrote letters and sent photos for a while. My children always knew that they had been adopted (I'm horrified that this is kept from so many children) and when they got older I made sure they knew that I fully supported them if they wanted to look for their birth parents.
Thank you, Barbara. It was quite the journey to go through. And I'm so grateful for all the beautiful bits and pieces that Jane left behind, including my brother. I treasure every piece that is left of her, and I treasure my adoptive mother who was a fierce mama bear in her own way.
Reinette, you are a prime example of someone who has not let her (or his) past define them in a negative way to the point of leading a bitter or unfulfilled life. Kudos to you!
And I agree.... if only my parents had been open to connecting to my mother, this may not have been a tragedy. God bless you for having an open enough heart to attempt this, Barbara!
I am so very moved by your story. It touched my heart for so many reasons, being adopted myself. Relationships are so complex and I related to so many things that you said in telling your story. I wish you continued happiness in the relationships you have found through your birth mom. Love always wins and you will see them both again Reinette.
Yes, I did find my birth mom in 2003. I had put my name on a couple of lists in the early 1990's for both identifying and non identifying information (legalities in Canada with Children's Aid Society and information surrounding adoption) and would update them every time I moved in case there was new information. My birth mother had 3 more children with her new husband, and those children were told about myself and my younger brother when they were growing up.... long story....but yes I was reunited with them. Slowly, relationships have been built and we share holidays and see each other. It is odd to have family where we don't all have the same experiences from childhood, and as such we always have things to talk about.
Ah...so many tears here Reinette. You look so much like Jane. From that photo, you exude the energy of larger than life joy! You have so much esilience. A beautiful mother's day story. Your mom, the trickster. What a blessing to be reunited with the poem she wrote for you. Sending much love, Marcia xo
It never ceases to amaze me how cruel adoptive parents can be. I know a beautiful young woman, adopted, whose adopted mom told her if she ever went looking for bio mom she'd be disinherited. Of course, was ignored and therefore had to be done on the sly. How does anyone not understand the need for an individual to find their rightful parents??? Appreciation for truly loving adoptive parents but I've heard too many negative stories of adoptive parents w bad intent to never want to be involved w that system.. So sad.
Letsrock, it truly stemmed from insecurity. I was a black sheep and I think my adoptive mother always thought she was going to lose me. There wasn't a chance of that. I simply had a love of history, a love of ancestry (and how we all got here), and a love for story, and I wanted to know the story of how I got here. Unfortunately, my adoptive mother could never hear this... this ultimately laid the tracks for the biggest tragedy, it shredded our relationship.
Sorry for what you went thru Reinette. I have a hard time seeing you as a black sheep. You don't owe anyone any explanations. Everyone deserves, at the very least, to know where they came from. It is said that what we fear most is what we draw to ourselves so you may be right. As someone who lost the ability to have children due to medical negligence, it's most disturbing to me when people who do have them, by any means, selfishly abusive them.
I was a black sheep within my adoptive family.... and to this day. Unfortunately, I have very few ties with any of them. Things turned more sour over time, particularly when it came to money and the death of family members. Boy, did I see their true colors. Sad, but I have made a new and happy path for myself.
And I agree, we all deserve to know where we come from. The answers I found for myself were beyond my wildest imagination. I'm so glad I didn't give up. I don't know who I would be today if I had.
Ha. Money. The great divider, will happen every time no matter what. Been there done that too. I'm a lesser black sheep in my family, my sister is full on. From where I sit they're the black sheep, they are all dysfunctional. They're all gone now except for 2 sisters who I don't speak to. I always felt different to them and even imagined myself adopted as a child. IMO you're the lucky one Reinette!
Alive and yet so damaged she could not reach out, mine grasped and grabbed, she belittled and reprimanded, until I turned away. Then and only then with losing my innocent admiration and adoration did she reach oit. But then it was too late for me. I have a shell around my heart for her. Now shes dead, killed by the vaccine bio weapon, I can feel our love will have another chance in another life in another time, and then we will tread gently and find each others simple tenderness. Once and for all.
Oh, ASM, I'm so so sorry to hear about this outcome. And to die from all things, the damn whicked shot. I'm so sorry for this on so many levels. I know this may sound silly, but have you tried talking to her? On the other side? Ask her for a sign. I swear, you will know you are connected. Our loved ones are there if we simply call upon them. I have done this many times, and it's healing to get what I needed off my chest!
I had a "normal" upbringing with my birth parents. But I can totally resonate with feeling like you don't really know who you are and where you come from... through your heart-felt writing. Amazing that the synchronicities of Easter and April Fools came back around to tie your story up like a neat bow! It was a privelege to read this, my gratitude to you Renette... I just hope no one digs back into documentation using the information you shared to expose your notary friend!!
If somebody does, they have too much time on their hands and I suggest they go fry some bigger fish. While in the world of "law" this may have been a no-no, it was a noble thing to do.
On, Reinette! What a beautiful, heart-wrenching story. You are truly remarkable. I lost it when you got to the part where you found your brother and how they had been waiting for you all of those years. I am so happy for you that you were finally able to fill in the missing pieces around your mother.
Adoption is never easy. I am the adoptive mother of two adult children, both adopted as babies. When we adopted our second child, they (Catholic Social Services) had just begun open adoptions. We were in a group with eight other couples and my then husband and I were the only ones who agreed to meet the birth parents. I think a lot of adoptive parents want to believe that they're the only parents. In the end, my daughter's birth parents chickened out. But, I wrote letters and sent photos for a while. My children always knew that they had been adopted (I'm horrified that this is kept from so many children) and when they got older I made sure they knew that I fully supported them if they wanted to look for their birth parents.
Much love to you, Reinette. XO
Thank you, Barbara. It was quite the journey to go through. And I'm so grateful for all the beautiful bits and pieces that Jane left behind, including my brother. I treasure every piece that is left of her, and I treasure my adoptive mother who was a fierce mama bear in her own way.
Reinette, you are a prime example of someone who has not let her (or his) past define them in a negative way to the point of leading a bitter or unfulfilled life. Kudos to you!
Thank you, Barbara!!
You are a true hero for at least trying to connect.
Bless you.
And I agree.... if only my parents had been open to connecting to my mother, this may not have been a tragedy. God bless you for having an open enough heart to attempt this, Barbara!
XOXO
Deeply moving., beautiful story.
Touching 😢💕♥️
I'm sitting in my car on my way home, with tears streaming. No words, Reinette, for this moving passage.
Thank you, Jill.... I know the story. Lived it. But still makes me cry when I read it. Oh the irony.
Children
by Khalil Gibran
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, 'Speak to us of Children.'
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
well that was a tear jerker. thank you for sharing your story, so far
You're welcome, Robin.
I am so very moved by your story. It touched my heart for so many reasons, being adopted myself. Relationships are so complex and I related to so many things that you said in telling your story. I wish you continued happiness in the relationships you have found through your birth mom. Love always wins and you will see them both again Reinette.
Thank you, EmEmn, did you ever look for your family?
Yes, I did find my birth mom in 2003. I had put my name on a couple of lists in the early 1990's for both identifying and non identifying information (legalities in Canada with Children's Aid Society and information surrounding adoption) and would update them every time I moved in case there was new information. My birth mother had 3 more children with her new husband, and those children were told about myself and my younger brother when they were growing up.... long story....but yes I was reunited with them. Slowly, relationships have been built and we share holidays and see each other. It is odd to have family where we don't all have the same experiences from childhood, and as such we always have things to talk about.
Ah...so many tears here Reinette. You look so much like Jane. From that photo, you exude the energy of larger than life joy! You have so much esilience. A beautiful mother's day story. Your mom, the trickster. What a blessing to be reunited with the poem she wrote for you. Sending much love, Marcia xo
Thank you, Marin Grin. Fortunately, while I know her life was short, it was very, very full. This give me comfort.
It never ceases to amaze me how cruel adoptive parents can be. I know a beautiful young woman, adopted, whose adopted mom told her if she ever went looking for bio mom she'd be disinherited. Of course, was ignored and therefore had to be done on the sly. How does anyone not understand the need for an individual to find their rightful parents??? Appreciation for truly loving adoptive parents but I've heard too many negative stories of adoptive parents w bad intent to never want to be involved w that system.. So sad.
Letsrock, it truly stemmed from insecurity. I was a black sheep and I think my adoptive mother always thought she was going to lose me. There wasn't a chance of that. I simply had a love of history, a love of ancestry (and how we all got here), and a love for story, and I wanted to know the story of how I got here. Unfortunately, my adoptive mother could never hear this... this ultimately laid the tracks for the biggest tragedy, it shredded our relationship.
Sorry for what you went thru Reinette. I have a hard time seeing you as a black sheep. You don't owe anyone any explanations. Everyone deserves, at the very least, to know where they came from. It is said that what we fear most is what we draw to ourselves so you may be right. As someone who lost the ability to have children due to medical negligence, it's most disturbing to me when people who do have them, by any means, selfishly abusive them.
I was a black sheep within my adoptive family.... and to this day. Unfortunately, I have very few ties with any of them. Things turned more sour over time, particularly when it came to money and the death of family members. Boy, did I see their true colors. Sad, but I have made a new and happy path for myself.
And I agree, we all deserve to know where we come from. The answers I found for myself were beyond my wildest imagination. I'm so glad I didn't give up. I don't know who I would be today if I had.
Ha. Money. The great divider, will happen every time no matter what. Been there done that too. I'm a lesser black sheep in my family, my sister is full on. From where I sit they're the black sheep, they are all dysfunctional. They're all gone now except for 2 sisters who I don't speak to. I always felt different to them and even imagined myself adopted as a child. IMO you're the lucky one Reinette!
Because you've shared it with us, we are certainly better for it, imo.
🙏
So sad, beautiful , and amazing !
Thank you for sharing your story 💗💫
Thank you for reading it, Annie.
Thank you for sharing this Incredible story Reinette.
A story worth sharing.... there's more than this, but fitting for Mother's Day.
Simply precious. Thankyou.
Your story helped me to heal my own.
Alive and yet so damaged she could not reach out, mine grasped and grabbed, she belittled and reprimanded, until I turned away. Then and only then with losing my innocent admiration and adoration did she reach oit. But then it was too late for me. I have a shell around my heart for her. Now shes dead, killed by the vaccine bio weapon, I can feel our love will have another chance in another life in another time, and then we will tread gently and find each others simple tenderness. Once and for all.
Oh, ASM, I'm so so sorry to hear about this outcome. And to die from all things, the damn whicked shot. I'm so sorry for this on so many levels. I know this may sound silly, but have you tried talking to her? On the other side? Ask her for a sign. I swear, you will know you are connected. Our loved ones are there if we simply call upon them. I have done this many times, and it's healing to get what I needed off my chest!
Life IS, whether we are in physical form or not. We are truly eternal beings.
This life here is just one of many "chapters".
Aloha O'e..."till we meet again"... I truly belive this.
What a wonderful Mother's Day gift you have given to all to have the heart to receive it.
Mahalo nui loa.
Thank you for the kind words, Lynnie. Mahalo to you.
Absolutely Beautiful story! 💕🌟
It’s so nice to know you were always loved.
Yes, I definitely was!
I had only one mother , a great mom , but your story sure brought tears to my eyes.
Mothers. Worth their weight in gold.
And sometimes we don't realize that until they are gone.
I now realize the sacrifices mom made for us kdis, to have what she didn't.
I will be sure to tell her when we meet up again. ❤🙏
So much love. You are precious.
Thanks, Jo! I sure love you, sister!
I had a "normal" upbringing with my birth parents. But I can totally resonate with feeling like you don't really know who you are and where you come from... through your heart-felt writing. Amazing that the synchronicities of Easter and April Fools came back around to tie your story up like a neat bow! It was a privelege to read this, my gratitude to you Renette... I just hope no one digs back into documentation using the information you shared to expose your notary friend!!
If somebody does, they have too much time on their hands and I suggest they go fry some bigger fish. While in the world of "law" this may have been a no-no, it was a noble thing to do.
Agreed!